my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
