Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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