I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
