I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
