i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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