I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize