i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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