I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
