Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
