I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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