I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize