Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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