After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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