i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
