I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
