we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
