he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
we're so committed to being not committed
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
