Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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