My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
