i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
