I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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