i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
