so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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