i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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