New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
