I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
