Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i dont even know how to be here
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
