I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
