I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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