yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
