Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
