best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm like, not good at living.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
