apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
