there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
