"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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