I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
