Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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