that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize