Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
