question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
