Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
