they need to just BURY HIM!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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