You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
