he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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