She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
