Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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