Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
