My Higher Power is John Stamos
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
