we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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