we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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