either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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