her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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