In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
