I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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