so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
