On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
