Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
