HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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