Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
birth control should be required to get into college
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
