I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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