I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
