they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
