It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
