I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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