Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
