ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
