VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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