so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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