take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
