dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
