dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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